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manipulating family and my passion in life?
i am 46, have my own business(property maintenance), and am bored to death. I have also had a few traumatic (robbed of 10G of equipment from the front of my home, ins. would not cover, car accident a year later injured/tors left shoulder cartlige, attacked by a crack head neighbor, tore abdominal wall and groin protecting myself) events happen in the last 3 years, besides the whole 'getting older' crap, that had me seeing a shrink, by the urging of my wife.
Well, 3 months later, I realized, with out the help of meds, as my wife is demanding I get on, that she and my father as well as my older brother, have been holding me back for years, and I let them.
My father always told me I should work for someone else as I just don't have what he has to run a business, my brother: you name it he said. I am stupid, ugly, a "freak" "cyclops" as I lost an eye when i was 6 and too stupid to do anything but work for womone else. He actually cut my pay when he came on board at the family business after he got "2 four year degrees in business in 3 and 1/2 years" (he was a self appointed genius) , and my loving wife, though she supports me in this business, is very manipulative I found out.
I have always been into working out, nutrition, exercise etc and wanted to be a physical therapist after we closed my parents business of 20 years ( i was 35 at the time) my wife, being a very jealous woman, constantly told me I couldn't do it, not smart enough and I could not handle myself around beautiful women,(she was a cheerleader in high school and beautiful herself) as I was a "wh0re" as she put it growing up. Every time I would pursue that goal, she would start getting all moody and bitchy and I would abandon that route to avoid problems.
Well talking to the shrink, she apperently has her own abandonment issues she refuses to get help for. Her dad left when she was young, only to return when we got married, her mom died the year b4 we got married, her aunt the year we got married and her uncle died around when she was 16. Not to mention we took care of her nephews and the older one died at 19, Sept 15 2001.
I have also been talking to one of my customers, a beautiful woman, who happens to be a Life Coach. She has been a great friend that I can obviously talk to without being a "wh0re", she does not charge me as we just talk (she is going through a divorce and having a hard time so I listen). She has been a tremondous boost to my confidence and self esteem, To clarify I have no desire to sleep with her as she has 3 young kids, I do not want to raise. I have my own 2 beautiful children, Iwould rather continue raising.
So my question after all that, would you pursue your passion and risk angering your spouse, or just let shi it lie and continue banging your head against the wall?
BTW, I am succeeding in my business just to prove pops wrong: not getting rich, but paying the bills, own a home (mortgge): my genius brother is installing carpet and tile, plying poker for a living. At 48, never married, lost his home and doesn't really have a pot to piss in. Also back in school, since i returned in 99, taking a class here and there, 7 "A's" and 1 "B" granted its jr college but still college.
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